IM conversations

EDIT: My wife also apparently posted this on her blog. To be fair, I totally posted it first.

My conversations with my wife over IM amuse me to no end. This is a fine example:

Paul: hmm, I'd like steak
Shana: You gonna cook it? Or we could go out to Outback one of those nights...we have a 25 dollar gift card...
Paul: this weekend is bad for that
Shana: Can't even go out to dinner huh?
Paul: we can, just not to fucking east bremerton
Shana: Too far...okay. Well if you cook the steak, I will buy it.
Paul: can you go to the butcher himself (not prepackaged) and ask for a NY strip?
Shana: ehhh! I hate doing that...
Paul: Or we could check out http://whiskeycreeksteakhouse.com/
Paul: expensive tho
Shana: So we can go out to Keyport but not E. Bremerton...
Paul: keyport is a hell of a lot closer
Shana: Uh no...
Paul: uh...yes
Paul: keyport...you know...on the way to silverdale?
Paul: like....closer than silverdale
Shana: Just the exit. but then you have to actually get off the freeway and drive...
Paul: for 2 miles
Paul: 2
Paul: like....way the fuck closer than east bremerton
Paul: w/e, we can stay in
Shana: I don't know about "way the fuck"...maybe by a few minutes. And wouldn't 25 bucks off of dinner be worth it?
Paul: a few minutes...let me draw you a map
Shana: Oh so now you are gonna get all smart-assedy on me. Fine, whiskysteakhouse is closer. But we would still be paying more...
Shana: No gift card for that place...
Shana: just saying
Paul: it isn't smart assey: The steak house in keyport is 11.8 miles from our house by car, outback is 16.8 miles. This is almost 70% difference.
Shana: Oh my God! 5 miles! And that is on freeway! You are just an Outback hater! Admit it!
Paul: What do you have against trying a new restaurant? You are a new place hater!
Paul: 70% further!
Shana: I am not against trying a new place. But I do have a problem with going to a new place that looks expensive and is only a measly 5 miles from a place we have a gift card for!!
Shana: !!!
Paul: 10 miles if you count both directions
Shana: Ho.Ly. Shit.
Paul: lol
Paul: Outback next weekend
Paul: regardless, I don't want to go all the way out to Bremerton, sit down to a nice meal, only to have it interrupted by work and cut short
Paul: don't want to go out to keyport either for that matter.
Shana: Then...why are we still talking about this...?
Paul: Because it is fun to mess with you
Paul: and outback is 70% further away
Shana: You are a sick and twisted man
Shana: Seek help

Another nice conversation from a while ago:

Shana: Need anything from the store?
Paul: Ice Cream
Shana: you still have some here you know...
Paul: what kind?
Shana: orange/vanilla and I think one more thing of lemon
Paul: but I want cookie dough....
Shana: then I'm gonna need you to wait until next time
Paul: but.....I love you
Paul: and....you love me
Shana: that is true. and has nothing to do with cookie dough ice cream
Paul: if you loved me...REALLY loved me...
Shana: and if you really loved me, you would quit bugging me about enabling your ice cream addiction
Paul: I love you, you love me. I love ice cream. It's really simple. You don't have to get all jealous.
Shana: you have a problem. you need to address it
Paul: MY PROBLEM IS I DON'T HAVE COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM
Shana: no your problem is that you are text-shouting at me because I won't get you ice cream. that doesn't seem a little psycho to you?
Paul: moi?
Paul: psycho?
Paul: pfft
Shana: denial much?
Paul: I deny that I'm in denial. I deny that denial exists.
Paul: I deny da nile. THERE IS NO RIVER IN AFRICA
Shana: You can be cute and funny all you like, I'm still not getting your damn ice cream today
Paul: You are the meanest wife ever
Shana: guess so