This post really should be one line, but I can't talk about it without telling a VERY long story. This is the story about how I met my wife. At least the parts I remember. During some parts of the story, I was fairly intoxicated.
It was Friday night in my barracks, around October'ish. I was in the Army, and had just come off restriction from some trouble I had gotten into. (the official reason was 'disrespectful facial gestures toward a non-commissioned officer'. *sigh*). Regardless of the restriction, I was feeling pretty good...I was getting the hell out of the Army in a month and I
really wanted to get the hell out of the Army.
Anyway, it was Friday night, in 1996, and I was still 20 years old, but most of the guys I hung out with were either 21 or had all just turned 21...so they went out drinking without me.
Stuck alone in the barracks I was pondering what I wanted to do on Friday night. I had more or less decided to stay in when another soldier from my unit was tooling around the barracks looking for a ride out to "Dakotas", an all-ages nightclub out in Kent.
Now, bear in mind that I HATE all-ages nightclubs. First of all, I had been stationed previously in Germany, and was thus able to go out to any club I wanted to go to while I was there (they don't card. If you are able to see over the bar, you can order a drink.) When I got back to the states, I tried out the all-ages scene and...well, it was a haven for underage girls..
In fact, I had one time met a very nice girl at one of the underage clubs, hung out a little bit with her, and ALMOST did some things that, I later found out, would have been a felony. It was only after mulling over some things she said earlier in the conversation in my mind when I realized that maybe I ought to ask how old she was. Subtley. I'm the king of subtle. ("Oh my god, how old are you?")
When she answered that she was....fourteen(!!!!). I quickly remembered an early formation I had the next morning. A
very early formation. In fact, starting like...15 minutes from now. RUN!
So lets just say I wasn't a huge fan of the underage club scene. In addition, this 'Dakotas', the club he wanted to go to, was... a country music club. With like...line dancing. Yeah. And the guy who wanted to go with me was dressed up complete with a white cowboy hat and a belt buckle big enough to serve turkey dinner at Thanksgiving on. But it was that or stay in on Friday night so...
I have this relationship with Country Music. I tolerate it's existence. Barely. I'm really not a fan.
At all. I am however a fan of watching girls with tight jeans goof around on a dance floor. So, with that thought in my head, I drove this other soldier (we will call him Z...names have been changed to protect the incredibly nerdy) over to Dakotas.
Throughout the night I tried to talk up some girls (the OLDER looking ones...I had learned my lesson.). I was shot down every single time. I'm pretty sure they were all lesbians. (Side note: I'm reasonably certain that every girl who ever shot me down in my single days was a lesbian. This may be a delusion that existed merely to stroke my bruised ego, or possibly Seattle and Germany were the lesbian capitals of the UNIVERSE. You decide.)
It really wasn't my night. So I grabbed a coke (*sigh*...underage club) and sat in the corner and watched people dance to music that I hated.
Right about then, I was thinking I really should have stayed home. I did however get the opportunity to witness Z, in all his glory, get shot down by every girl in the place as well. Some might say it was vindictive of me to be entertained by his antics, and maybe it was, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
After Z had got shot down by everyone of the opposite gender, the night was winding down and the club was getting ready to close, so we went outside to have a cigarette (This was back before I quit the nasty habit).
Outside, Z went over to chat up a 'friend' he saw outside smoking. He introduced me to Katie (his...'friend') and her friend Shana, and quite frankly, I was barely paying attention during the introductions. I had been shot down by every girl (lesbians!) in the place that night and I was feeling fairly down and really just wanted to get home. Still, the blonde in the group (who I mistakenly thought was Katie) was pretty hot and very outgoing. She had a great personality (rack), and an intoxicating smile (boobs).
I don't remember many of the details from that conversation except I remember that I insulted her choice in cigarette (she was smoking Marboro lights, which I thought were terrible tasting cigarettes...I was a connoisseur I guess), and we compared jeans sizes. I also remember that she was very elated to discover she had a smaller waist size in jeans than I did. A stranger she just met. The conversation left an impression on me because we discussed the STRANGEST things and jumped around from topic to topic so naturally. She had (well, still has) a habit of following a conversation wherever it goes, with absolutely no regard for controlling what topics are discussed. You can literally change the subject mid-sentence and she can follow you, and respond accordingly. Considering how absolutely random my brain gets from time to time, I absolutely love that about her.
The conversation left an impression on me, and when we finally left the club I thought 'Damn, I should have tried to get Katie's number!' (I still had their name's confused, heh).
After we got into the car, Z was absolutely certain that the girls were into us. He insisted that Katie wanted him. Which I thought was odd, because he had been chatting up the girl I thought was Shana. Anyway, I went with the standard testosterone laden response. "Oh yeah, we could have totally got some tail if the club wasn't closing".
As we pulled out of the parking lot, we actually saw the girls pulling out as well. They were headed in the same direction as us, and we commented on it. We followed them up the long windy road up toward the freeway (well, we weren't following them yet...we just happened to be going to the same freeway entrance).
We got on the freeway behind them, and drove along. I moved into the far left lane...had about a half hour drive ahead of us to get back to the barracks. The girls were in the right lane. Z, in the passenger seat suddenly yelled "Dude, they are taking this exit, follow them!". I'm like..."what?". He was like "DUDE, FOLLOW THEM!!". So I cut over through 3 lanes and got off the freeway behind them.
At this point I just realized what I had done and how this looked, had they been paying attention to what we did. I felt like a super-stalker. Seriously. I thought about how to cover what happened...there is a Taco Bell on this exit...maybe we just wanted to make a run for the border. Yeah. That's it. I just really wanted a burrito.
We followed them off the freeway exit, and Z kept telling me 'Dude, its cool man, just follow them home, it will be fine, Katie is totally into me. You can have Shana. It will be totally cool'. Meanwhile I'm imagining them calling the cops, and trying to figure out how I'm going to talk my way out of jail time.
We come to a red light and I tell him. 'Dude, get out of the car and go talk to them. You'd better explain that we are not stalkers and get their permission or I'm turning the car around.'. He runs over to their car and I can't hear what they are saying, but he finally runs back to my car, gets in and says that it is "totally cool... they invited us over to their apartment".
I still highly doubt that is what the girls actually said, and would love to be able to go back in time and witness how that conversation actually went.. But for some reason, Z was convincing enough that I thought maybe, just maybe, the girls wouldn't call the cops on us.
We follow them to their apartment and Z tells me 'I'll put the moves on Katie, you just talk up Shana and stay out of my way. When I get Katie back to her bedroom, you will be clear to work on Shana.'. I'm like...okay.
We get inside and he starts to hit on the brunette...and I finally catch on that the blonde was actually Shana. I sit and talk with Shana while Z tries to put "the moves" on Katie. And it is literally the funniest thing I've ever seen before in my life. He is...young. And it is pretty clear to everybody in the room, except Z, that she is not at
all into him. Meanwhile I'm chatting up Shana and having a conversation. I'm not really hitting on her per se...I didn't really think she was interested in me at the time. Mostly I was just really entertained by watching Z and Katie, heh.
After a couple hours, we say our goodbye's (it was like 3-4am, heh), and head out. I'm leaving thinking that Shana isn't into me at all, and Z is leaving thinking Katie is 100% crazy about him (hey, I didn't see it, but who am I to rain on a parade?).
After we closed the door, I'm walking to the car and Katie runs out into the street behind us, without any shoes on:
"Paul! You are from California, right?"
"umm, yep."
"You are getting out of the Army soon right?"
"umm...yeah"
"Ok, see ya!"
And she runs back inside the apartment. I'm thinking 'that was weird', but I get in the car and start to drive away. Just as we are pulling away, I see Katie running after us again. I roll down my window.
"You are staying in town when you get out?"
"Yeah"
"Ok, Shana wants your number."
I give it to her, and drive away. My weird-o-meter is stuck on super-high at this point. On the ride home, Z tells me all about how he would have totally "hit that" if Shana and I had not been around. Riiiight.
Meanwhile I'm thinking I really should have tried to hit on Shana more...I think she might have been more interested in me than I thought. Sweet.
The next day I went to a friend's going away party, where I got SUPER wasted (my friend was getting out of the Army, or being transferred...or possibly just going on leave. Don't remember. We really didn't need much of an excuse to have a party in those days, so could have been anything.).
Anyway, I was out of my mind drunk, when I ran into Z at the party. He asked if I wanted to go out to Dakota's tonight with those girls we met. I told him there was no way I was driving today, and he said it was cool...he could be the Designated Driver. He called them and set it up while I forgot about it and proceeded to drink more. A lot more.
Somehow Z set up to meet them at their apartment and we took separate cars to the club. Z was going to get Katie alone and put the moves on her, and I was going to put the moves on Shana. Z would go home with Katie in her car and I would sober up enough to take Shana home in mine. This was the plan.
Unfortunately we got to the club, and while I went to the bathroom to...umm....lose some excess alcohol via the same method that it entered my body (I threw up. Violently.), Z and the girls disappeared. After looking around lost for a while, I found them on the dance floor. They went into the club to actually line dance, and I...couldn't line dance. This was the one (and only) moment in my life where I actually wished I knew how to line dance. (Did I mention I was wasted?) Anyway, I went and bought some gum to fix my vomit-breath and tried not to look too drunk.
I think I found Shana for one 'slow dance' (the only real dance I was able to successfully accomplish in this place) and thought I had scored decent points with her, but after the dance, she rushed back to her friend to go do more line dancing. Feeling shot down, I decided, once again, that she was completely uninterested in me (and probably a lesbian).
So I'm sulking at a table, drinking my coke, my buzz is going away, and music that I hated was playing really loudly. It wasn't a good moment for me. I kinda wished I hadn't left the going away party.
A couple hours later, we all decide to go home...in the cars we all came in (so much for 'the plan'), when Z somehow wrangled an invitation for us to come over to the girls' apartment for a nightcap. We went over to their apartment, where Z humorously tried to hit on Katie again, while Shana and I talked. And talked. And talked.
Somehow or other while we were talking, Katie went to bed (Alone, heh), and Z fell asleep on the floor of the living room.
Shana and I continued to talk. All night long. I actually found her interesting and entertaining. And I wasn't even staring at her boobs when I was thinking that.
The next morning, we had breakfast and had a rather humorous time when Katie's parents stopped by to visit ("hi, it is
super early in the morning, and there are two guys that clearly slept here last night in your daughter's apartment! Good times!). After the parental visit, it was time for us to go and we finally said our goodbyes. I made a date for Shana and I (sans Z/Katie) to meet up the next night, and on the way back to Fort Lewis...I thought that Shana might actually be interested in me after all. Except that when I had tried to go in for a goodbye kiss, she backed away. Mixed signals much? Damn women.
On the way back Z, of course, thought Katie still TOTALLY wanted him. Forever the optimist that one. He tried many times while Shana and I were dating to get me to set him up with Katie. It never worked out.
I dated Shana for a while and eventually, she didn't back away from a kiss. 11+ years of marriage and two kids later, I'm *reasonably* sure she was interested in me. Maybe after 20 years I'll be certain.
Anyway, that was a long story, but to get back to the post I was trying to make...
I saw a guy on the ferry today that looked
TOTALLY like Z. Had a white cowboy hat on and a
GIANT belt buckle. The kicker was he was with a girl that, I swear to god, looked exactly like Katie. I tried not to stare, but I was chuckling to myself the whole way to work today.
And now you know why.
