Annoying my wife is fun.

Shana: Holy crap. I'm watching the SNL sketch with Anne Hathaway spoofing Katie Holmes.

Paul: pretty crazy eh?

Paul: She did a great impression I thought

Shana: You can tell the audience was kinda taken aback by her impression

Shana: Haha! I love the Royal Family sketch

Paul: that was pretty good

Shana: As soon as "William" leaves, they start talking like Jason Statham

Paul: I thought her Dorothy impression was spot on.

Shana: Yeah

Paul: She did a good job, its just too bad the most of the episode was still pretty unfunny

Paul: the weekend update stuff was dumb

Shana: I'm not there yet. Enjoying the hell out of the music act

Paul: I didn't watch it

Shana: You missed out. She is going on the iTunes wish list

Paul: what kind of music?

Shana: Hard to describe...but the singer's voice is amazing

Shana: And the song is catchy

Paul: come on…similar band?

Paul: nothing you can tell me that would make me understand what kind of music it is?

Shana: Nope...

Shana: The band name is Florence and The Machine

Shana: Go listen

Paul: so this band invented a brand new music genre

Paul: thats amazing

Paul: few people can say that

Shana: I'm gonna stop talking to you...

Paul: maybe Elvis?

Paul: the Beatles?

Paul: and now Florence and The Machine

Paul: amazing

Shana: ...

Paul: I mean, music that you can't even describe? That's an impressive feat.

Shana: I hate you.

Paul: no, no, you have made me a believer. Now I want to hear this band

Paul: that is quite a risk, trailblazing into a new frontier

Paul: opening up a brand new genre of indescribable music

Paul: They should call the style "InDes" for short.

Shana: Shut it!!!

Paul: I wonder how many bands will follow the indes movement. We could be seeing a whole new generation unfold right before our eyes. Like watching the beatles on Ed Sullivan. I can't believe I skipped it.

Shana: .........

Paul: One day I'll tell my grandchildren how I skipped past them on my dvr.

Paul: And they will be like "Grandpa, I can't believe how naive you were!"

Paul: And I'll be like "Well Grandchildren, I just didn't know that I was seeing a band that would change the world."

Paul: "But your Grandma knew. She couldn't even describe them to me. She had no words"

Shana: Quit bugging me!!! I'm trying to play Rock Band!!

Paul: I wonder if they have any DLC from the new Indes movement.

Shana: AHHHHH!!!

Shana: Leave me alone!!

It is important.

Paul: I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR YOU

Paul: ARE YOU THERE?

Paul: VERY IMPORTANT

Paul: QUESTION

Paul: HELLO

Paul: VERY

Paul: IMPORTANT

Paul: ARE YOU IGNORING ME?

Paul: I WILL NOT BE IGNORED

Paul: I hate you so much right now

Shana: what the hell do you want?

Paul: You walk away when I have important questions

Paul: VERY IMPORTANT

Shana: I'M TRYING TO GET KIDS TO SCHOOL!!!!!

Paul: fine.

Paul: I won't ask

Paul: the extremely important question

Paul: which will alter the course of our lives

Paul: forever

Shana: oh

Shana: my

Shana: god

Paul: but you know

Paul: I'm sure you have more important things to do than deal with life altering queries

Paul: You should definitely get the kids to school though

Paul: are the kids in school yet?

Paul: are you ready for my question?

Shana: what is it

Paul: so my question

Paul: are you ready?

Paul: This is a decision that will impact our future together

Shana: Paul...

Paul: Are you sure you don't want to be Sith?

Shana: Is that really the fucking question?!

Paul: ITS IMPORTANT

Shana has left the conversation.

No. Just....No.

Paul: try not to stress about the things outside your control
Paul: relax and think about puppies
Shana: Can I get a puppy?
Paul: a stuffed one?
Shana: No, a real one
Shana: Or a kitty?
Paul: hell no
Paul: let me rephrase
Paul: so that I'm clear
Paul: HELL NO, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN A MILLION BILLION YEARS
Shana: But I'm stressed and upset and you said I should think about puppies and I did and now I want one
Paul: Well, think about a stuffed puppy then
Shana: It could be a small puppy

IM's with Shana

Paul: HEY
Paul: I want to get a PS3 so bad now
Paul: SO BAD
Paul: Are you there?
Paul: Don't toy with my emotions woman
Shana: just a sec...I'm busy....
Paul: Busy?
Paul: What is more important than me?
Paul: Who is he? I'll kill him
Shana: I'm editing pics from yesterday and trying to get them sent out to the fam
Paul: K-I-L-L
Shana: and I'm emailing Katie back and forth...and trying to research ticket sales for An Evening with John Cleese...
Paul: blah, pics are more important than me?
Paul: KATIE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME? WTF
Paul: bah!
Paul: Bah I say!
Paul: but that is beside the point
Paul: the point is...PS3
Paul: Can we buy it
Paul: ?
Paul: puh-leeeeeeeze?
Shana: So you want the PS3 now? I thought we had decided to buy it for Christmas...
Paul: well...its ALMOST christmas
Shana: Well...what would we get with the system?
Paul: a blu-ray player, little big planet and uncharted 2.
Shana: yeah...we have to look at our finances. We still have a dishwasher to buy...and if that damn truck needs something else done...
Shana: hey, off subject....any dinner ideas?
Paul: I dunno
Shana: u suck
Paul: Brats
Shana: k
Paul: spagheti
Paul: umm
Shana: jesus
Paul: no, I'm not the son of god, I'm actually god himself
Shana: knock it off. I'm tired of spaghetti
Paul: I prefer to be referred to as 'almighty one'
Shana: shut it
Paul: why are you tired of it?
Shana: it seems like we have it all the time!
Paul: We haven't had it in like 2 weeks
Paul: we have EVERYTHING all the time.
Paul: We only have like 10 meals you eat
Paul: BECAUSE YOU ARE PICKY
Shana: why do you think I 'm asking for ideas? I know it drives you nuts that we have the same thing all the time so I am asking for menu ideas!!
Shana: !!!!
Shana: how about pad thai? Would you be interested in making it one of these nights?
Paul: sure
Paul: how about roast beef?
Shana: I'm not sure how to make that...
Shana: I've never made it before...
Paul: What if I got you a recipe?
Shana: you mean like a pot roast?
Paul: the only problem with roast beef (or pot roast), is that you and I like beef at different doneness
Shana: yeah...I was just thinking about that...
Paul: I prefer not to eat leather, and you think burnt is underdone.
Shana: Maybe two small roasts?
Paul: might as well do steak at that point
Shana: we just did steak
Paul: no we didn't
Paul: we had to throw it out
Shana: OH yea
Paul: how about roast chicken?
Shana: You know my feelings on chicken...
Shana: How about steak? That I make sure we cook before it goes bad
Paul: how can you not like chicken?
Paul: I hate you
Shana: I just don't
Paul: You eat turkey
Shana: rarely...and not very much...
Shana: So how about the steak?
Paul: what if I did roast chicken and mushrooms?
Paul: Then you could eat mushrooms
Shana: Like portobello?
Paul: portobello doesn't really match chicken, but I could do wild mushroom and rice stuffing
Shana: Like stuffing it in the bird...?
Paul: yes
Shana: blech
Paul: OMG
Paul: seriously?
Shana: I don't like food cooked in the ass of a dead bird!
Paul: first of all, it isn't it's ass
Paul: its the body cavity. That is like saying you had a baby out your ass.
Shana: So stuffing is cooked in the uterus of a dead bird?!
Paul: no...still different
Shana: If you cooked the stuffing out of the bird...then I would try it
Paul: *sigh*
Paul: okay...how about we skip the chicken and we make a wild rice & mushrooms casserole?
Shana: you have a recipe for that?
Paul: err
Paul: I just made it up, but I can probably find one.
Paul: will be hard to find one without chicken tho
Paul: BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN THE FREE WORLD LIKES CHICKEN
Shana: Not everyone loves chicken
Paul: EVERYBODY
Shana: Vegetarians don't
Paul: Vegetarians aren't people.
Shana: Vegetarians are too people...people who don't eat chicken!!
Paul: people are omnivores
Paul: so vegos aren't people.
Shana: You are a vego-bigot
Paul: true
Shana: What else do you need from the store?
Paul: Ice Cream
Paul: duh
Shana: got that
Shana: anything else?
Paul: underline it
Shana: k
Paul: put a couple exclamation marks next to it
Shana: k
Shana: I need two more dinner ideas
Paul: homemade chili?
Paul: I don't know of anything that doesn't involve something you hate.
Shana: Don't know how to make that. I like Nalley's
Paul: ARGH!!
Paul: You are impossible
Shana: Besides I had homemade chili last night
Paul: Well I didn't
Shana: You should have come with us.
Paul: really...you want to have this discussion right now?
Paul: how about burritos?
Paul: I like burritos
Paul: you like burritos
Shana: We just did burritos. I still have the leftovers
Paul: I
Paul: HATE
Paul: YOU
Shana: hehehehe
Paul: so...you don't like chicken
Paul: you don't like seafood
Paul: you don't really like pork
Paul: you don't like sausage
Shana: Captain Obvious....
Paul: maybe we could make salmon
Shana: ummm.....
Paul: You aren't going to eat anything I cook anyway
Paul: so I might as well make something I'd like to eat
Shana: Oh! I just thought of a dinner! That twice baked potato casserole thing
Paul: okay
Paul: WE JUST HAD IT THO
Shana: LIsten Wisenheimer...
Shana: We haven't had that in a month
Paul: it isn't fun when somebody else does it, is it?
Shana: No. I'm right, you are wrong
Paul: How about beef pot pies?
Shana: ewww
Paul: ................
Paul: Will you stop that
Shana: what?
Paul: saying eww to everything I suggest
Shana: Then stop suggesting icky things?
Paul: what exactly don't you like about beef pot pie?
Shana: the gravy
Paul: So lets make gravy you do like
Shana: I don't like gravy
Shana: And pie should not have meat in it
Shana: It's unnatural
Paul: Okay, lets call it a SAUCE
Paul: You don't like any SAUCES?
Paul: ANY AT ALL?
Shana: I wouldn't know how to make that anyway
Paul: you know those pies you made yesterday?
Paul: Make a different filling, and put it in it
Paul: DONE
Paul: So hard...
Shana: You know how much filling goes in those things? Hardly any! It would be a piss poor meal
Paul: Thats why you make a lot of pies
Paul: You are impossible
Paul: You like french dip right?
Shana: yeah
Paul: That is a sauce
Paul: made from the drippings of meat
Shana: not the one I like
Paul: YES IT IS
Shana: it's powder
Shana: and water
Paul: what do you think they make the powder from?
Shana: i dunno
Paul: MAGIC FAIRY DUST?
Shana: yes!
Shana: yummy fairy dust
Paul: I'm making the beef pies
Shana: this week?
Paul: yes
Shana: k...and I didn't say I wouldn't try it...I had pot pies growing up and never like them...I may like your version. I will try a bite
Shana: So when are we buying the PS3?
Paul: I'd love to buy the PS3 today
Paul: but I'm not sure you will let me
Paul: so...yeah
Shana: I never said no...I just wanted to clarify how we are justifying this purchase...I want it too. Especially LBP...
Shana: do we need to stop chatting so you can go eat?
Paul: pretty much
Shana: k
Paul: if you went out to best buy and bought the PS3 with little big planet and uncharted 2, I wouldn't be unhappy
Paul: just saying.
Paul: anyway, laters

Shana IM's

More wifey IMs for funs:

Shana: So Chris's practice has been canceled for tonight
Shana: Where do you want me to go for dinner tonight?
Paul: subway?
Shana: That's fine...it will just take a little while to pick it up after Janel's practice is over...
Shana: And I need to get chips...maybe some drinks from the store...what would you like for that?
Paul: Get a 2 liter of coke for me, and BBQ ruffles
Shana: Why do you want a 2 liter?
Paul: because I want a mixer for rum and coke
Shana: gotcha
Paul: rum without the coke is just...rum
Shana: alkey
Shana: ;-)
Paul: if you drink it straight up, you are an alcholoic. If you mix with coke, you are a social drinker
Shana: But you need to be social to be a social drinker....and you are not social
Paul: I'm very social
Paul: you have no idea what you are talking about.
Shana: you misspelled very. It's a-n-t-i
Paul: I talk to people all the time.
Paul: that is social
Paul: the very definition in fact.
Paul: antisocial implies I'm against being social. I'm not particularly against it. Nor am I particularly for it. It just exists, and I accept it.
Paul: I'm apathetic about it.
Shana: whatever.
Paul: I'm socially neutral.
Paul: I'm the switzerland of the social scene.
Shana: There you go
Paul: ...you will not get the last word in this conversation.
Shana: What the hell
Shana: is wrong with you?!
Paul: moi?
Shana: I'm leaving to shower.
Paul: okay
Shana: Love you
Paul: you are really leaving because you can't handle my IM conversational skills (which is...SOCIAL). I win.
Paul: I
Paul: WIN
Shana: no you don't
Paul: WINNER = ME
Shana: you are such a turd!
Paul: a winning turd
Shana: ewww
Shana: I'm going
Paul: waving the white flag of defeat I see
Paul: I win
Shana: no i win. LAST!
Shana has left the conversation.
Paul: just admit I won and I'll leave you alone.
Paul: WINNER WINNER WINNER IS ME
Paul: I LOVE BEING A WINNER
Shana disconnected

IM conversations

EDIT: My wife also apparently posted this on her blog. To be fair, I totally posted it first.

My conversations with my wife over IM amuse me to no end. This is a fine example:

Paul: hmm, I'd like steak
Shana: You gonna cook it? Or we could go out to Outback one of those nights...we have a 25 dollar gift card...
Paul: this weekend is bad for that
Shana: Can't even go out to dinner huh?
Paul: we can, just not to fucking east bremerton
Shana: Too far...okay. Well if you cook the steak, I will buy it.
Paul: can you go to the butcher himself (not prepackaged) and ask for a NY strip?
Shana: ehhh! I hate doing that...
Paul: Or we could check out http://whiskeycreeksteakhouse.com/
Paul: expensive tho
Shana: So we can go out to Keyport but not E. Bremerton...
Paul: keyport is a hell of a lot closer
Shana: Uh no...
Paul: uh...yes
Paul: keyport...you know...on the way to silverdale?
Paul: like....closer than silverdale
Shana: Just the exit. but then you have to actually get off the freeway and drive...
Paul: for 2 miles
Paul: 2
Paul: like....way the fuck closer than east bremerton
Paul: w/e, we can stay in
Shana: I don't know about "way the fuck"...maybe by a few minutes. And wouldn't 25 bucks off of dinner be worth it?
Paul: a few minutes...let me draw you a map
Shana: Oh so now you are gonna get all smart-assedy on me. Fine, whiskysteakhouse is closer. But we would still be paying more...
Shana: No gift card for that place...
Shana: just saying
Paul: it isn't smart assey: The steak house in keyport is 11.8 miles from our house by car, outback is 16.8 miles. This is almost 70% difference.
Shana: Oh my God! 5 miles! And that is on freeway! You are just an Outback hater! Admit it!
Paul: What do you have against trying a new restaurant? You are a new place hater!
Paul: 70% further!
Shana: I am not against trying a new place. But I do have a problem with going to a new place that looks expensive and is only a measly 5 miles from a place we have a gift card for!!
Shana: !!!
Paul: 10 miles if you count both directions
Shana: Ho.Ly. Shit.
Paul: lol
Paul: Outback next weekend
Paul: regardless, I don't want to go all the way out to Bremerton, sit down to a nice meal, only to have it interrupted by work and cut short
Paul: don't want to go out to keyport either for that matter.
Shana: Then...why are we still talking about this...?
Paul: Because it is fun to mess with you
Paul: and outback is 70% further away
Shana: You are a sick and twisted man
Shana: Seek help

Another nice conversation from a while ago:

Shana: Need anything from the store?
Paul: Ice Cream
Shana: you still have some here you know...
Paul: what kind?
Shana: orange/vanilla and I think one more thing of lemon
Paul: but I want cookie dough....
Shana: then I'm gonna need you to wait until next time
Paul: but.....I love you
Paul: and....you love me
Shana: that is true. and has nothing to do with cookie dough ice cream
Paul: if you loved me...REALLY loved me...
Shana: and if you really loved me, you would quit bugging me about enabling your ice cream addiction
Paul: I love you, you love me. I love ice cream. It's really simple. You don't have to get all jealous.
Shana: you have a problem. you need to address it
Paul: MY PROBLEM IS I DON'T HAVE COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM
Shana: no your problem is that you are text-shouting at me because I won't get you ice cream. that doesn't seem a little psycho to you?
Paul: moi?
Paul: psycho?
Paul: pfft
Shana: denial much?
Paul: I deny that I'm in denial. I deny that denial exists.
Paul: I deny da nile. THERE IS NO RIVER IN AFRICA
Shana: You can be cute and funny all you like, I'm still not getting your damn ice cream today
Paul: You are the meanest wife ever
Shana: guess so