Let me start like this: It is a terrible movie.
But...it has redeeming value in that it is SO BAD, that it is actually entertaining. Entertaining, but not AT ALL for the reasons the filmmaker intended.
The movie stars Kristen Kreuk from Smallville fame as the title character. I'm a pretty big Smallville fan, but not that big a fan of Kristen Kreuk's character in Smallville (Lana Lang). A good drinking game would be to put on an episode and every time Lana says "I want you to be completely honest with me" do a shot. You will be drunk very, very quickly. I want to poke my eyeballs out every time she says it.
That said, I think it was really the writing that set her up for failure on the series, so I don't really blame the actress. As Clark Kent's first "love", there was far too much teenage angst for my liking, and they overplayed Clark's need to keep his 'Secret' from Lana for way longer than necessary. I suppose it made for better drama, but the drama was completely and totally forced.
At any rate, I was cautiously optimistic to see Kristen Kreuk pick up another role. Unfortunately, it had to be in this movie.
Her performance wasn't terrible, given what she had to work with. I just don't buy her as a "kung fu action hero" type, but honestly...she wasn't the thing about the movie that made it so gut-wrenchingly horrid.
If it was just her, the movie would just be a bad movie with a predictable plot and some stupid camera work...barely worth putting in the Netflix queue.
Fortunately, Chris Klien is in the movie, and that makes the movie watchable, but not for the reasons you think. He plays a cop. A cop that is exactly what you'd expect a cop to be...in a cheesy, low budget, badly acted, B-movie that even Bruce Campbell wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole.
His performance is so amazingly terrible, each line so completely and unbelievably over-acted, each camera shot while he is in the frame so campy and horrid...that you tend to look at it as you would a train wreck. You simply cannot help but just... stare in jaw dropping disbelief that this guy actually gets PAID to be an actor.
Now, this seems like this is partially the director's fault, because clearly this was the type of performance he was trying to get from his actors. If you look at the characters of Bison (Neal McDonough) or Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan), they have essentially the same issue with over the top acting, but having seen those guys in other movies, it isn't always the case for them. So maybe we can assign some blame to the director.
But Chris Klein goes above and beyond and takes bad acting into a whole different level. He has perfected it into an absolute art form.
The movie is just horrible. There is a narrator (Lana...I mean Chun-Li) that tries to tell you a story, but mostly just illustrates why only bad movies use a narrator to tell a story (except Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption. He could read me the weather report of Bolivia and I'd be entertained).
There are also gaping plot holes that make you wonder if anybody, even the filmmakers, ever actually watched the movie or tried to follow it.
Most of the martial arts sequences aren't too bad, except that the director apparently decided to integrate many of the moves you see in the game and bring them to life on the big screen. Which is fine. Except that some of the moves are pretty much impossible to do outside of a video game, which makes filming it a challenge. So instead of skipping those moves or doing them with CGI or something...he chose to DO them, but do them crappy and stupid. And...to cover for the fact that those shots are crappy and stupid, he just moves the camera around a lot or pans AWAY from the action.
SIDE NOTE TO DIRECTORS EVERYWHERE:
If you are doing a martial arts sequence, particularly in a martial arts movie, and you pan away from...the effing martial arts sequence....you suck at directing movies and should try a new profession. Like sewing. Maybe you could be a hell of a seamstress. But never, ever, ever, direct anything again. If you were ever called upon, due to national emergency, to direct traffic, I would stay away from your intersection.
But...the best part of this movie, is BY FAR the 'behind the scenes featurette' on the dvd. You absolutely MUST watch this featurette. THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE MAKING STAR WARS OR LORD OF THE RINGS. They talk like this movie is amazing. Like, classic cinema. They talk about the amazing story. They talk about the amazing performances. And they do it all with a straight face. This movie is utter crap and they talk like they are making CINEMA HISTORY.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The entertainment value of this documentary cannot be measured without getting out a bigger scale. I laughed so hard I cried. It makes me laugh just writing about it.
There is also an audio commentary by CHRIS KLIEN on the dvd. I'm soooooo tempted to watch the movie AGAIN with his commentary. I don't know if I can get through it again though without copious amounts of very strong adult beverages, but I really want to give it a try.
Normally I'd give this movie 0/5 stars, but it is so bad, it goes negative and actually gets -5/5 stars, which is SO BAD that it is AMAZINGLY GOOD. I highly (lowly?) recommend THE EXPERIENCE of seeing this movie.
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