Iron Man 2

So I took Shana out this weekend for Mother's Day, and as part of that, we went to go see Iron Man 2.

Fair warning: I will try to remain somewhat spoiler free, but I will go over stuff that is touched on in the trailer.

Now, I've tried to remain in 'Iron Man 2' blackout, but I did wind up seeing the trailer, and while I didn't read any full reviews, I did have a look at rottentomatos.com to see what it was scoring. At 74%...I was a little wary going in. I absolutely ADORED Iron Man, but I was preparing to have my heart broken (ala Spider-man 3).

So that was my attitude going in to the movie. We arrived on time (I was watching the clock this time, unlike LAST TIME). Shana waited in line to get tickets, while I stood by, asking if she wanted anything from the snack bar. She didn't.

Until of course we sat down in the theater and I got comfortable. Then she wanted popcorn.

WOMEN!

Anyway, saw trailer for Eclipse (Janel is excited for it...she loves those glitter vampires), Shrek (bleh, looks like a dvd rental), Super 8 (JJ ABRAMS, YOU CAN STOP WITH THE LENS FLARES ALREADY. We get it, you like doing something everybody else tries religiously to avoid. I'm sure you think it adds realism. But enough is enough already.), and of course...the Last Airbender.

Anyway, the trailers pretty much emphasized how few summer movies I'm looking forward to this year. The movies basically fall into two categories: Curious, but pessimistic. The movies that fall into this category are Prince of Persia (looks too much like Pirates of the Caribbean), the A-team (Looks too much like GI-Joe), and Last Airbender (just getting into the cartoon, and I think a movie could be AWESOME...but M. Night. Shamwow has too long of a history of screwing me over at the movie theater).

The other category is summer movies that I'm intrigued by. Not excited. Not even pessimistic. Basically apathetic but intrigued. The movies that fall into this are Karate Kid (I loved the original, and I think this remake might actually work), Eclipse (I actually think that, of the books, this would probably make the best movie. And I want to like Kristen Stewart just to piss my wife off), and the Sorcerer's Apprentice (normally I hate Nick Cage, but I liked two of his most recent roles in 'Kick-ass' and 'Next', so I want to give him another chance).

But anyway, I was supposed to talk about Iron Man 2.

I loved it. It was a great comic book movie. I get how people are saying that the first one was better. They are probably right. But that doesn't take away from this flick. It was a worthy followup with some outstanding set pieces, terrific acting (RDJ can do no wrong and Mickey Rourke was AWESOME), and some really good humor. Scarlet Johannson kicked a lot of booty as the Black Widow (it would have been nice to see her character explored more...maybe her own movie?)

My one criticism is that it was probably too much. Too many things being crammed into one movie to the point where you couldn't do a lot of big character exploration, which was the one thing that there wasn't a lot of in this flick. That said, if you enjoyed the first Iron Man, you are going to enjoy this one. No doubt about it.

5/5

P.S. The Suitcase Armor would have been really sweet IF THEY DIDN'T SPOIL IT IN THE TRAILER. Jerks.

Kick-Ass

Last week I had a birthday and to celebrate, I took a bit of a 'staycation', which is basically a time where you kind of need to spend vacation time and be away from work, but you don't really have the budget to go anywhere or do anything fun.

It was awesome.

With the kids at school, I got to spend a little time with Shana, cook some new food, read a book, play video games until my brain bled, and we even (shocking!) got to go see a rated 'R' movie at the theater for once. With kids around and babysitters fairly far away, this is a pretty rare treat.

Shana and I both love movies. It is really one of the few hobbies/activities that we both truly enjoy doing. Most other activities entail various stages of compromise, but there are no arguments in my house when movie time is suggested. Sure, we have some taste differences, but for the most part both of us have a pretty wide range, and most movies fit into what we both enjoy (or at least will tolerate).

As a result of our love for movies, our kids get to watch a lot of them. Our kids have been watching PG13 movies for quite some time (as long as we watch them first), and I can't even remember a time where we restricted them from watching 'PG' movies. There are even *some* 'R' rated movies that I have allowed (tho they are DEFINITELY few and far between).

Why? I trust my kids to not be violent because they see a violent movie. I trust them not to say bad words that they see in movies. And I trust them to understand that adult romance is for adults.

That said, nudity in a film will definitely exclude it. Excessive profanity will exclude a flick from their viewing. And major adult themes will also exclude a film. We are liberal and open minded with what we let them watch, but even liberal parents that we are, we have our limits.

I say all that to say that before I saw 'Kick-Ass' I thought maybe, just maybe, this might be a film that we'd wind up letting the kids watch, even though it was rated 'R'.

Now that I've seen it....there is no way in hell that will ever happen. When the 10 year old girl in the movie has a line like this:

Kick-Ass: “How do I get a hold of you?”
Hit-Girl: “You just contact the Mayor’s office, he has a special signal he shines in the sky. It’s in the shape of a giant c*ck.”

Yeah...my kids aren't going to watch this movie. Hit Girl is a character that kick's major booty in the movie. A hero that my kids would identify with and cheer for. A character that they might try and emulate. Thus my kids cannot see this until they are much, much, much, much, much, much older.

That said, I thoroughly enjoyed the flick. We got there late due to somebody not watching a clock (I'm not going to say who it is, but she has bigger boobs than me), so we missed the trailers. Not too big a deal.

The movie was, for the most part, a male, geek, comic-book lover, teen...fantasy. Which I could identify with somewhat (I was a geek before it was cool. Wait, is it cool now?). Who hasn't dreamed of being a normal kid, dressing up as a super hero to go fight crime, only to become an internet phenomenon and unknowingly become the target of a mob boss out for revenge for deeds done to him by other costumed heroes? I know I have.

As a fantasy romp, it was an enjoyable film. I went into the movie expecting more of a comedy (from the trailers), but that wasn't what this was at all. It was a superhero movie...without the 'super' part.

There are a couple criticism's I had of the flick though: The character of Red Mist (played by McLovin' ... or Christopher Mintz-Plasse), is pretty dumb and ridiculously overplayed (the film would have been much better without him to be honest), and the romantic sub-plot with love-interest 'Katie' (played by Lindsy Fonesca) seemed very forced and completely unnecessary.

That said, there is a lot to love with the flick. Chloe Moretz's character 'Hit Girl' steals almost every scene she is in, and the wire work for her martial arts sequences were really well done (though completely implausible...).

And Aaron Johnson's portrayal of a character who has just one superpower: 'Being invisible to women' is very relatable and fresh. The movie explores a fresh take on the superhero genre, and delivers on it's emotional notes. The set pieces are fun, if a little unbelievable, though not unbelievable enough that they took me out of the story.

Overall, I'd give the movie 4/5 swear words spoken by an 11 year old.

Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

My wife and I sat down to watch Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun-Li this weekend, and OH MY GOD.

Let me start like this: It is a terrible movie.

But...it has redeeming value in that it is SO BAD, that it is actually entertaining. Entertaining, but not AT ALL for the reasons the filmmaker intended.

The movie stars Kristen Kreuk from Smallville fame as the title character. I'm a pretty big Smallville fan, but not that big a fan of Kristen Kreuk's character in Smallville (Lana Lang). A good drinking game would be to put on an episode and every time Lana says "I want you to be completely honest with me" do a shot. You will be drunk very, very quickly. I want to poke my eyeballs out every time she says it.

That said, I think it was really the writing that set her up for failure on the series, so I don't really blame the actress. As Clark Kent's first "love", there was far too much teenage angst for my liking, and they overplayed Clark's need to keep his 'Secret' from Lana for way longer than necessary. I suppose it made for better drama, but the drama was completely and totally forced.

At any rate, I was cautiously optimistic to see Kristen Kreuk pick up another role. Unfortunately, it had to be in this movie.

Her performance wasn't terrible, given what she had to work with. I just don't buy her as a "kung fu action hero" type, but honestly...she wasn't the thing about the movie that made it so gut-wrenchingly horrid.

If it was just her, the movie would just be a bad movie with a predictable plot and some stupid camera work...barely worth putting in the Netflix queue.

Fortunately, Chris Klien is in the movie, and that makes the movie watchable, but not for the reasons you think. He plays a cop. A cop that is exactly what you'd expect a cop to be...in a cheesy, low budget, badly acted, B-movie that even Bruce Campbell wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole.

His performance is so amazingly terrible, each line so completely and unbelievably over-acted, each camera shot while he is in the frame so campy and horrid...that you tend to look at it as you would a train wreck. You simply cannot help but just... stare in jaw dropping disbelief that this guy actually gets PAID to be an actor.

Now, this seems like this is partially the director's fault, because clearly this was the type of performance he was trying to get from his actors. If you look at the characters of Bison (Neal McDonough) or Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan), they have essentially the same issue with over the top acting, but having seen those guys in other movies, it isn't always the case for them. So maybe we can assign some blame to the director.

But Chris Klein goes above and beyond and takes bad acting into a whole different level. He has perfected it into an absolute art form.

The movie is just horrible. There is a narrator (Lana...I mean Chun-Li) that tries to tell you a story, but mostly just illustrates why only bad movies use a narrator to tell a story (except Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption. He could read me the weather report of Bolivia and I'd be entertained).

There are also gaping plot holes that make you wonder if anybody, even the filmmakers, ever actually watched the movie or tried to follow it.

Most of the martial arts sequences aren't too bad, except that the director apparently decided to integrate many of the moves you see in the game and bring them to life on the big screen. Which is fine. Except that some of the moves are pretty much impossible to do outside of a video game, which makes filming it a challenge. So instead of skipping those moves or doing them with CGI or something...he chose to DO them, but do them crappy and stupid. And...to cover for the fact that those shots are crappy and stupid, he just moves the camera around a lot or pans AWAY from the action.

SIDE NOTE TO DIRECTORS EVERYWHERE:
If you are doing a martial arts sequence, particularly in a martial arts movie, and you pan away from...the effing martial arts sequence....you suck at directing movies and should try a new profession. Like sewing. Maybe you could be a hell of a seamstress. But never, ever, ever, direct anything again. If you were ever called upon, due to national emergency, to direct traffic, I would stay away from your intersection.

But...the best part of this movie, is BY FAR the 'behind the scenes featurette' on the dvd. You absolutely MUST watch this featurette. THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE MAKING STAR WARS OR LORD OF THE RINGS. They talk like this movie is amazing. Like, classic cinema. They talk about the amazing story. They talk about the amazing performances. And they do it all with a straight face. This movie is utter crap and they talk like they are making CINEMA HISTORY.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The entertainment value of this documentary cannot be measured without getting out a bigger scale. I laughed so hard I cried. It makes me laugh just writing about it.

There is also an audio commentary by CHRIS KLIEN on the dvd. I'm soooooo tempted to watch the movie AGAIN with his commentary. I don't know if I can get through it again though without copious amounts of very strong adult beverages, but I really want to give it a try.

Normally I'd give this movie 0/5 stars, but it is so bad, it goes negative and actually gets -5/5 stars, which is SO BAD that it is AMAZINGLY GOOD. I highly (lowly?) recommend THE EXPERIENCE of seeing this movie.

Wolverine Movie Review

I went and saw the new Wolverine Flick this weekend. And....it didn't suck.

Which is good, because I went into it thinking that it would suck. And suck hard.

But, it wasn't too bad. It was watchable.

The storyline might ring familiar since...I dunno, it has been done a billion and a half times:

"Hero is good at war and soldier-like things, but walks away from the violence to settle down and live happily ever after with the woman he loves. But alas! His past catches up with him, someone attacks, kills, and/or kidnaps the woman he loves, and now our hero has to do battle with the forces of evil to save/rescue/avenge her!"

I dunno. I might have seen this plot before. (see: every Arnold Schwarzeneger, Jean-Claude Van Damm, Steven Segal, and/or Chuck Norris movie ever made. Except Kindergarten Cop...wtf was up with that movie anyway?)

That aside, I didn't go to the theater for amazing plot elements that shocked and surprised me. The plot, while stale, executed well enough on the well established action-genre formula. The acting was decent, the action was okay. Nothing to write home about, but nothing that looked particularly stupid or ill-conceived.

The thing that I hated about the movie though is that all the good parts were in the trailer, or I had already heard about them. Wouldn't it have been cool to not know Gambit was in the movie and see him throw the cards at Logan for the first time in that New Orleans tavern on the big screen? (side note: Cameo in that scene by Daniel Negreanu! This was not in the trailer! Doubt anybody who isn't a WPT geek knows who it is though.)

Because that scene was spoiled by the trailers, I saw it and was disappointed that there wasn't more Gambit throughout the movie. Literally, he didn't throw cards again...just what he did in the trailer. Had that scene not been in the trailer, I'd have been all blown away and walked out of the movie in super geek-happiness that they included a small role for Gambit. Alas, I just walked out disappointed. Way to setup my expectations and fail me, movie promoters.

I guess the way they do trailers gets butts in the seats, but I wish they wouldn't give away the whole fucking movie all the time.

I give this movie a 5/10. Not really worth a Theater visit, but doesn't make me want to cut myself.

Watchmen review

Ok, first I have to admit to a certain bias: I love comic book movies. I have to say that I had HUGE expectations coming into this particular movie, and I'm certain it will color my review.. This was supposed to be one of the best comic books out there. I had not read the comic going into the movie, but I did read the plot synopsis over on wikipedia.

My overall score on the movie is...meh. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give it around an 8. Normally that would be a great review, but I have to say that I was hoping for a lot more.

From the reviews I have read and interviews I have watched, I feel like the movie is intended to be a compliment to the comic book. To the point where it is almost ripped directly from the page and filmed scene by scene. I've ordered the comic book, and I want to read it now, but this review is based on the movie as a stand-alone entity.

I like the approach of directly duplicating scenes, but I get the feeling when I'm watching it that I'm seeing the 'greatest hits' from that comic. For a purportedly character-driven story, I really feel like the movie didn't get into most of the characters with a great deal of depth.

The movie opens up with a pretty well done fight scene between the Comedian and an unknown assailant. A lot of obvious CG/Matrix-style stuff done here, which is usually annoying to me, but it isn't so terrible. Pretty good scene, winds up with the comedian getting thrown out of a window. The sequence is good, and unlike a lot of Hollywood fight scenes lately, the camera work didn't make me want to tear my hair out.

We then get to meet Rorshack, who seems to be the private eye film noir type of superhero. Everything I said two paragraphs ago about the lack of character depth in the movie does not apply to Rorshack. I felt the director really explored Rorshack and let him come through. Throughout the movie we explore his past, and see why he engages in a, shall we say....brutal....form of justice. It works well.

Later Rorshack is imprisoned and is surrounded and attacked by a lot of folks that he obviously helped put in there. A small fight scene ensues and winds up with Rorshack taking one of his attackers to the ground, pouring hot oil on him in the process. All this leads to possibly the best line in the movie: "None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me!" Great stuff, and a well planned and executed "moment" in the flick.

The downside, in my opinion, comes with Dr. Manhattan. Yes, this is the part where I talk about his flapping genitalia. All I hear on the interwebz is people saying how brave the director (300's Zack Snyder) was for including it. Let me tell you: IT WASN'T NECESSARY. The movie didn't explain why he even did it. He was just butt-ass nekkid and nobody knows why. I'm sure if you had the comic book, it would explain in great detail why he was nekkid all the damn time. In the movie though, there is insufficient explanation. Just a giant flaccid cobalt flagpole flapping around for all to see for no apparent reason.

When I left the theater, I wasn't thinking about the great performances or excellent plotlines. I was thinking 'Wow! I've never seen this much wiener in a movie! Please God, do not let this turn into a trend...'. I'm not sure that was the impression that the director was intending to leave.

When Malin Ackerman finally gets topless later in the movie during a (nearly X rated) go with the Owlman-dude, I was relieved to see some boobs (even moreso than usual). Even afterward when I was discussing it with my wife, she said the same thing: even she (an allegedly heterosexual woman) was relieved to see boobs.

Honestly, I will watch the movie again on dvd, but I probably can't sit through too many showings. Way too much unnecessary giant blue penis for a (allegedly) heterosexual man like myself to have to endure.

There were more issues I took with the movie too, like the characters that (supposedly) were without any "super powers" having what certainly seemed to me like super-strength, super-agility, as well as various other kung fu, and 'matrix-esque' skills.

The ending was perhaps the most ridiculous thing though. Ok...so everybody is about to fight each other with Nuclear Weapons, prompting Adrian to make up this scheme to simulate Dr. Manhattan's power and blow up New York. Right. Get the whole world to hate Dr Manhattan. A little weird, but ok...I'll buy it.

...So what happens now? We are 'buddy-buddy' with the Soviets. How do you fight this threat (together with the Soviets, as was implied) against Dr. Manhattan, against whom they already know that they have no defense? He controls matter. You are made of matter. You are fucked if he decides to make you dead. You can't build up a defense against him. They have had 30+ years to study him and figure that much out.

Either way, Dr. "Blue Schlong" is in another galaxy now. Pretty soon, they all realize he is gone and they attack each other and destroy the world. Or they won't. Either way, what did the destruction of NY do exactly?

The original comic had Adrian faking an alien menace attacking (giant squid ftw). This makes sense to me. (in a weird sort of way). The threat is real, they (by they I mean the U.S. and Russia) can build up a defense for it. Throwing lots of money to build up to defend against an external threat and having less money to spend bickering amongst each other.

Anyway, long story short, I just didn't buy the ending. I felt like I was being set up to leave the theater with Moral dilemmas: "Was the comedian a 'good heroic hero guy' or a 'bad attempted rapist guy'?", "Do the ends justify the means, with the destruction of New York and the resulting peace? " (hah), "Did Dr. Manhattan do the right thing at the end when he did that thing that I would spoil if I said anything about?"

They were setting me up for all those dilemmas, but all I really came out with was "Adrian's plan for peace is dumb...it wouldn't even work.", "Why didn't Dr. Manhattan vaporize Adrian?", and most ESPECIALLY:

"Jesus, that was a lot of blue dick in that movie!!"

8/10