Watchmen review

Ok, first I have to admit to a certain bias: I love comic book movies. I have to say that I had HUGE expectations coming into this particular movie, and I'm certain it will color my review.. This was supposed to be one of the best comic books out there. I had not read the comic going into the movie, but I did read the plot synopsis over on wikipedia.

My overall score on the movie is...meh. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give it around an 8. Normally that would be a great review, but I have to say that I was hoping for a lot more.

From the reviews I have read and interviews I have watched, I feel like the movie is intended to be a compliment to the comic book. To the point where it is almost ripped directly from the page and filmed scene by scene. I've ordered the comic book, and I want to read it now, but this review is based on the movie as a stand-alone entity.

I like the approach of directly duplicating scenes, but I get the feeling when I'm watching it that I'm seeing the 'greatest hits' from that comic. For a purportedly character-driven story, I really feel like the movie didn't get into most of the characters with a great deal of depth.

The movie opens up with a pretty well done fight scene between the Comedian and an unknown assailant. A lot of obvious CG/Matrix-style stuff done here, which is usually annoying to me, but it isn't so terrible. Pretty good scene, winds up with the comedian getting thrown out of a window. The sequence is good, and unlike a lot of Hollywood fight scenes lately, the camera work didn't make me want to tear my hair out.

We then get to meet Rorshack, who seems to be the private eye film noir type of superhero. Everything I said two paragraphs ago about the lack of character depth in the movie does not apply to Rorshack. I felt the director really explored Rorshack and let him come through. Throughout the movie we explore his past, and see why he engages in a, shall we say....brutal....form of justice. It works well.

Later Rorshack is imprisoned and is surrounded and attacked by a lot of folks that he obviously helped put in there. A small fight scene ensues and winds up with Rorshack taking one of his attackers to the ground, pouring hot oil on him in the process. All this leads to possibly the best line in the movie: "None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me!" Great stuff, and a well planned and executed "moment" in the flick.

The downside, in my opinion, comes with Dr. Manhattan. Yes, this is the part where I talk about his flapping genitalia. All I hear on the interwebz is people saying how brave the director (300's Zack Snyder) was for including it. Let me tell you: IT WASN'T NECESSARY. The movie didn't explain why he even did it. He was just butt-ass nekkid and nobody knows why. I'm sure if you had the comic book, it would explain in great detail why he was nekkid all the damn time. In the movie though, there is insufficient explanation. Just a giant flaccid cobalt flagpole flapping around for all to see for no apparent reason.

When I left the theater, I wasn't thinking about the great performances or excellent plotlines. I was thinking 'Wow! I've never seen this much wiener in a movie! Please God, do not let this turn into a trend...'. I'm not sure that was the impression that the director was intending to leave.

When Malin Ackerman finally gets topless later in the movie during a (nearly X rated) go with the Owlman-dude, I was relieved to see some boobs (even moreso than usual). Even afterward when I was discussing it with my wife, she said the same thing: even she (an allegedly heterosexual woman) was relieved to see boobs.

Honestly, I will watch the movie again on dvd, but I probably can't sit through too many showings. Way too much unnecessary giant blue penis for a (allegedly) heterosexual man like myself to have to endure.

There were more issues I took with the movie too, like the characters that (supposedly) were without any "super powers" having what certainly seemed to me like super-strength, super-agility, as well as various other kung fu, and 'matrix-esque' skills.

The ending was perhaps the most ridiculous thing though. Ok...so everybody is about to fight each other with Nuclear Weapons, prompting Adrian to make up this scheme to simulate Dr. Manhattan's power and blow up New York. Right. Get the whole world to hate Dr Manhattan. A little weird, but ok...I'll buy it.

...So what happens now? We are 'buddy-buddy' with the Soviets. How do you fight this threat (together with the Soviets, as was implied) against Dr. Manhattan, against whom they already know that they have no defense? He controls matter. You are made of matter. You are fucked if he decides to make you dead. You can't build up a defense against him. They have had 30+ years to study him and figure that much out.

Either way, Dr. "Blue Schlong" is in another galaxy now. Pretty soon, they all realize he is gone and they attack each other and destroy the world. Or they won't. Either way, what did the destruction of NY do exactly?

The original comic had Adrian faking an alien menace attacking (giant squid ftw). This makes sense to me. (in a weird sort of way). The threat is real, they (by they I mean the U.S. and Russia) can build up a defense for it. Throwing lots of money to build up to defend against an external threat and having less money to spend bickering amongst each other.

Anyway, long story short, I just didn't buy the ending. I felt like I was being set up to leave the theater with Moral dilemmas: "Was the comedian a 'good heroic hero guy' or a 'bad attempted rapist guy'?", "Do the ends justify the means, with the destruction of New York and the resulting peace? " (hah), "Did Dr. Manhattan do the right thing at the end when he did that thing that I would spoil if I said anything about?"

They were setting me up for all those dilemmas, but all I really came out with was "Adrian's plan for peace is dumb...it wouldn't even work.", "Why didn't Dr. Manhattan vaporize Adrian?", and most ESPECIALLY:

"Jesus, that was a lot of blue dick in that movie!!"

8/10