From the future

Greetings from the year 2045. Due to amazing advances in Google technology (all hail our overlords, masters of time and space), I'm able to post this …

FROM THE FUTURE

According to my calculations, this post should happen sometime in the summer of 2010, which, if I recall correctly, is after I met my wife and had kids, but before I got my superpowers, walked on the moon, and won the Oscar for playing myself in the movie based on my life (I really nailed the impression).

Things are really crazy here IN THE FUTURE. We finally did away with Fossil Fuels and all our vehicles are all powered by a revolutionary technology that extracts energy from the power of suck. Perez Hilton, Joe Theismann, the entire 'E' network, and the people who made 'Streetfighter, the Legend of Chun Li' now perform a valuable national service and give us enough clean energy so that we no longer have a dependance on foreign oil.

The National Debt was eliminated by instituting the 'stupid tax'. Every time somebody posts a youtube video of somebody purposely hitting themselves in the balls, the IRS comes and confiscates everything they own and shoots them in the head. Honestly, their stupidity was going to kill them eventually anyway…it's really just being humane. And it prevents these idiots from harming anyone else with their nonsense. Win/Win

Also in Sports, after a dismal start in the new millennium, I'm pleased to report that the San Francisco 49ers are now working on their 14th straight Superbowl, and just as awesome, the Mariners killed the Yankees. No, not playing baseball. I mean they actually brought machine guns into the stadium and killed everyone in the Yankee's organization. Within the city limits of New York City It is considered to be the greatest tragedy since 9/11. Outside of New York, I don't think anybody noticed.

The President…wait, I guess you know him as Chris…he is doing well. I think Janel being the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court probably helps. Or it may actually hinder him. They still still fight a bit. Executive and Judicial! You know how it is…

Anyway, the reason I came back in time is to tell you this: It is vital that everyone reading this ties their shoelaces EXTRA TIGHT on November 3rd, 2010. I can't tell you why, but trust me when I say that the very fate of the world depends on it.

Onward and upward!
-Future Paul