Anti Social

I'm not, generally speaking, a social person. A fact my wife, who is a social person, chides me about a lot.

The thing is, I don't hate people. Well, some people I do...but not all of them. I don't even particularly hate crowds. I used to do plays and things when I was younger and I was alright on stage...it didn't really bug me.

What I hate is being in a room where multiple conversations are going on at once. My brain, fickle beast that it is, tries to follow every conversation that happens. All of them. At once. The more conversations that are going on, the more information overload I get. I start to get headaches. This is why many times at family gatherings or parties with friends you will find me sitting in the corner on some couch trying my best to not to listen to anybody while Shana wanders around being all friendly-like and the kids go play.

It isn't that I don't like the people, I just don't care for the setting.

Some people (Shana) call me anti-social for this, and I can't really blame them, though I think it is a misnomer. "Anti-social" implies that I'm unable or unwilling to associate with people in a friendly manner. I don't think that is the case at all. In another environment, I think I'm pretty friendly (well okay, "friendly" might be overstating it a bit...).

For example, I do not have an issue at a card table. I have a game to focus on, and I can start excluding things that don't pertain to the game or the people I'm playing with. No more headaches. This is why when somebody mentions cards at a family gathering I'm the first one to the table (when I'm down in California, I'm usually the guy trying to get everyone playing a game. :P).

I also don't have a problem while playing video games with people, watching a movie, watching sports, or even while eating. If there is an activity involved that I can concentrate on, I'm totally cool. But sitting around a living room with more than 2-3 people doing nothing but small talk...even the thought gives me a headache.

Also, as an aside, I can never really get into "small talk". I do fumble around and try it sometimes just to be polite, but I freely admit I'm a fish out of water. I think the "small talk deficiency" is the reason I've rarely had a phone conversation last more than 10 minutes.

I come by it honestly though. I'll call my mom, who I haven't seen in 6 months, and we will only have maybe a 10 minute conversation, max. It's not that I don't love her or care or vice versa. We just get to the point. Greetings, noteworthy events in the life of me and the family, noteworthy events in her life, Travel plans, dates/times if necessary, and BAM... done.

I inherited this trait directly from her though I think. We are on the same page about the phone thing.

On the flip side, Shana can do small talk really well. 10 minutes on the phone with her mom would be a record (for shortest conversation), and she probably talks with her at least once a week (probably more). I have no idea how she does that.

Of course, I've trained her well, so she doesn't generally try to do small talk with me, especially over the phone. Our phone conversations usually go for under a minute because after 11 years of marriage, she knows that she better get to the damn point already.

It's not to say we don't talk to each other. We do blather on quite a bit actually. It is just that when we talk, the conversations generally are more substantive, though they are mostly about boobs. (At least the conversations I don't tune out. :P)